Yesterday we were given two options. They could not have given us worst options. It was the illusion of choice and freedom.
When I started at this school I was told I could teach anything I wanted and I did. And I was happy. For the last three years, I have been told what to teach and when I advocated for myself, I was given some flexibility some of the time, but it was seen as a flaw in my character. And with these most recent options I'm moving towards another decision. It's time to start looking for a new school. I can teach SETSS and test prep anywhere.
The thing I loved most about this school has faded away. I miss creating classes that I loved teaching and that kids loved taking. I miss waking up in the morning excited to go to work. I miss the empathy students used to have, when expectations were clear, and students were accountable for their behavior. I miss having time to go out to lunch with my colleagues and talking about something other than how miserable we are at work.
It breaks my heart to feel like I can't be happy in a place that used to make me so happy, that felt like a second home. I don't want to leave, but I don't want to feel this unhappy anymore. I'm not sure what else I can do to be happy teaching again. So I have to try and start looking elsewhere.